Rhyme Schemes
by Kari Yaslana
Summary: The story of Jim and Spock’s relationship…told through limericks.
1. Meet and Greet

Title: Rhyme Schemes

Summary: The story of Jim and Spock's relationship…told through limericks.

Disclaimer: Quite obviously, I do not own Star Trek or any of its tasty bits.

Meet and Greet

Our story begins out of Iowa

With a quite brash and rude type of fellow-a

But Captain Pike said, "Make haste!

Thar be ladies in space!"

So Jim Kirk caught the next flight outta there-a.

* * *

There once was a Vulcan of Vulcan

Whose sad past always had him sulkin'

Till his mother cried, "Spock!

Get off this desert rock

Before the ladies come and start glompin'!"

* * *

Jim Kirk was getting well known

Starfleet's worth had clearly been shown

Whether slow or quick-pace

There was room at HIS place

Without sound barriers to muffle the moans.

* * *

Spock was becoming suspicious

But had no logic to go with this basis

The cadet surely had cheated

Emotions becoming quite heated

His retribution was best served delicious.

* * *

A formal hearing was held

In hopes of cadet Kirk becoming expelled

When one pointy-eared bastard

Emotions complimentary mastered

Stopped Kirk's head from becoming too swelled.

* * *

Spock accused Jim of cheating his test

Of this behavior he began to address

But the mention of his father

Made Jim practically a martyr

Up until Vulcan's call of distress.


	2. Vulcan's Purpose

Title: Rhyme Schemes

Summary: The story of Jim and Spock's relationship…told through limericks.

Disclaimer: Quite obviously, I do not own Star Trek or any of its tasty bits.

Please note these limericks will eventually tell the story of the movie so check back for new chapters ^-^

Vulcan's Purpose

Jim was feeling really quite saddened

For on Earth, he was left quite abandoned

Wielding hypo in hand

Bones constructed a plan

Which made Jim alarmed to see him so gladdened.

* * *

"To avoid favoritism," said he

"I should not assign you to the same ship as me."

This was Spock's excuse

In hopes Uhura would not deduce

That his interest did not linger with she.

* * *

It was poor Hikaru Sulu's first day

The ship was to leave without delay

But that damn inertial dampener

Was being quite the little hamperer

Forcing Captain Pike's order to belay.

* * *

Jim's determination was certainly noted

As he raced around the ship, hands still bloated

Ran head-first to the bridge

Disregarding the damage

Since it wouldn't matter if the Enterprise exploded.

* * *

They came out of warp all but blind

The same question was on all their minds:

"This garbage and mess

Has space quite in distress.

Who's gonna clean up the ship parts this time?"

* * *

Kirk/Spock fans 'round the world, come and sing!

The destruction of Vulcan is by no means a bad thing.

Look closely, for this auspice

Served a much higher purpose:

To kill off that bitch named T'Pring.

* * *

Reviews make the poems come faster^^


	3. Redshirts: A Legacy

Title: Rhyme Schemes

Summary: The story of Jim and Spock's relationship…told through limericks.

Disclaimer: Quite obviously, I do not own Star Trek or any of its tasty bits.

Please note these limericks will eventually tell the story of the movie so check back for new chapters ^-^

Red Shirts: A Legacy

In Star Trek, there is such thing as fate

To fans, consistency is great

And to no one's surprise

The red shirt up and dies

For deploying his parachute late.

* * *

Jim and Sulu were engaged in the fight

But 'twas dear Sulu that stole the limelight

For his retractable sword

Has the ladies assured

He'll be coming and going tonight.

* * *

So the boys' kicked some Romulan ass

But, oh no, how to stop the drill fast?

So they each pulled out a gun

To the other setting, not stun

And blew apart that chain in a blast!

* * *

Spock beamed down to the surface below

In a rush to have his family in tow

He made a grab for his mother

As a column crushed another

But, alas, just a second too slow.

* * *

Us ladies in the theater sighed

As Spock stepped off the platform dry-eyed

Our Vulcan, strong and brave

But his anguish we still craved

From those lips, no cries would be cried.

* * *

That seems like the proper, horrible place to leave the poems for now, with our dear Spock in shock.

If you do not review, a seagull will lay eggs in your stomach cavity.


	4. Forgotten Plot Devices

* * *

Title: Rhyme Schemes

Summary: The story of Jim and Spock's relationship…told through limericks.

Disclaimer: Quite obviously, I do not own Star Trek or any of its tasty bits.

Please note these limericks will eventually tell the story of the movie so check back for new chapters ^-^

Forgotten Plot Devices

"Bitch, take your hands off Kirk's man!"

Screamed every devoted Kirk/Spock fan.

But when Spock hugged her back

All our jaws just went slack

This romance was not part of the plan.

* * *

On the bridge, Jim had caused quite a stir

Demanding not to retreat, but conquer

A quick pinch of the neck

Sent Jim's head to the deck

For a study of Delta Vega's culture.

* * *

Ice planets were not Jim's forte

Nor was being turned into a beast's sundae

But, now, who was surprised

When a certain Vulcan arrived

And whisked his Jim Kirk quickly away?

* * *

Said the Vulcan to Jim, "I am Spock."

To which Jim replied, "Hell no, you are not!

For the Spock that I know

Would not so blatantly show

A smile as wide as his ****."

* * *

Jim refused to believe what he heard

He needed proof, like a type of password

So when Spock, with not quite a sigh

Described the mark on Jim's thigh

Jim's trust in him was assured.

* * *

So you're telling me Jim was alone with Spock Prime

Stranded on a planet without rescue this time

When you put Kirk and Spock in a cave

We know how they'll behave

Or am I the only one that remembers this plotline?

* * *

Mmm that was a tasty chapter to write. Seriously though. How many fanfics have I read about Kirk and Spock being trapped in a cave on some ice planet? We KNOW what's gonna happen. "Oh, Spock is not used to such cold temperatures…I must warm him up with my bare ass!"

Damn right you must, Captain.

If you do not review, the world's most adorable kitten will take a dump in your shoes. ^^


	5. Deleted Scenes

Title: Rhyme Schemes

Summary: The story of Jim and Spock's relationship…told through limericks.

Disclaimer: Quite obviously, I do not own Star Trek or any of its tasty bits.

Please note these limericks will eventually tell the story of the movie so check back for new chapters ^-^

Deleted Scenes

Spock Prime raised his hand to Jim's face

His fingers in the proper meld place

Jim thought, _"Truth be told_

_If I was ever that bold_

_I'd taste the wintery freshness of mace."_

* * *

Emotional transference played a part, this is true

For Jim had felt all Spock's pain as if new

But not just knowledge of pain

Did Jim Kirk only gain

But many erotic images of value.

* * *

Jim learned a hell of a lot from that meld

Yet not all of the cards had he held

Till in a bold move of sass

Felt a hand 'pon his ass

And the mystery was no longer withheld.

* * *

Jim's mouth fell open and stayed quite ajar

What he had learned just seemed far too bizarre

"So you say you and me

Screwed like rabbits habitually

And what the hell do you mean by 'pon farr'?"

* * *

Spock Prime advised Jim to take back his ship

To be Captain, and stick to his script.

"So for now, I make him mad

And hope the damage won't be bad

But what will it take for him to later unzip?"

* * *

Fine, I'll let them out of the cave!

But their love and sexiness I still crave!

So let's have them sit tight for a while

Preferably naked, till I'll

Stop my readers from becoming depraved.

* * *

I'm not sorry for keeping Jim and Spock Prime together for this entire chapter. Not one bit. And you can't make me, either.

If you do not review, all the future bacon you eat will be soggy.


	6. Cupcake’s Revenge

Title: Rhyme Schemes

Summary: The story of Jim and Spock's relationship…told through limericks.

Disclaimer: Quite obviously, I do not own Star Trek or any of its tasty bits.

Please note these limericks will eventually tell the story of the movie so check back for new chapters ^-^

Cupcake's Revenge

Trudging heavily through the snow

Spock Prime beckoned Jim to follow

But with the terrain miles wide

And the wind in their eyes

How did Spock know just which way to go?

* * *

And so they finally found their way to Scotty

Whose appetite had departed his body

He said, "I'd kill for a sandwich

Or a bagel with Manwich

Before my taste buds become more shoddy."

* * *

Astonishment crossed over Scott's face

"Of course, the thing moving is space!"

Who cares 'bout alt'ring the future

No fan's ever had use fer

A canon so clearly in place.

* * *

It was time to bid each other goodbye

Spock Prime looked Jim straight in the eye

"Your t'hy'la I will be

Never parted from thee."

He couldn't resist one more grope of that thigh.

* * *

Way to get yourself beamed into a tube.

'Round the pipes Scotty was being corkscrewed

Narrowly saved from death

He can sure hold his breath

Jim Kirk mumbling, "Oh, whatta noob."

* * *

One small matter, just a bit irksome

Where the hell had all those redshirts come from?

There would be no tomorrow

For it was much to Jim's sorrow

That Cupcake's day had finally come.

* * *

If you do not review, I will begin to write puns…and nobody likes puns.


	7. Lover’s Quarrel

Title: Rhyme Schemes

Summary: The story of Jim and Spock's relationship…told through limericks.

Disclaimer: Quite obviously, I do not own Star Trek or any of its tasty bits.

Please note these limericks will eventually tell the story of the movie so check back for new chapters ^-^

Lover's Quarrel

Spock questioned Jim Kirk on the bridge

To ignore him took all of Kirk's courage

Meanwhile Scotty stood by

Like a wall, with a fly

In hopes to avoid the carnage.

* * *

We all know that Vulcans are strong

And that Jim and Spock are meant to belong

So when his hands crushed Jim's throat

I spoke up, and I quote:

"Is this foreplay or am I just wrong?"

* * *

Scotty hadn't beamed aboard for a battle

Or to watch Spock lunge at Jim with a yowl

But he couldn't help but watch

As they fought, crotch-on-crotch

…was anyone gonna get him a towel?

* * *

Emotionally compromised, that was he

Would have killed without his father's plea

Spock hung his head low

As Jim caught his airflow

"Pike said 4, and I did it in 3!"

* * *

And so Captain Kirk took his throne

A day which Uhura will always bemoan

With Spock out of commission

The ship in a deadly position

It was time for his command to be shown.

* * *

It is only fair to let you all know

That my memory has reached a plateau

So I ask you to please start

To remind me of the next part

Because I've forgotten how the movie will go!

* * *

I am completely serious. He takes over the ship and then…what? There's gotta be something that happens before he faces Nero…was it destroying the drill near Earth?

If you do not review, there is a good chance I will not remember what happens next and that will decrease the fan's morale.


	8. Quickly Through the Boring Parts

Disclaimer: Quite obviously, I do not own Star Trek or any of its tasty bits.

A/N: Lately I have been called into work and haven't had any time to write I finally have a day off so here is the next installment! Bear with me…I am not abandoning my sacred duty!

Quickly Through the Boring Parts

The time had come for a heart-warming scene

With such emotion even humans could glean

I guess Sarek's no longer pissed

That the VSA was dismissed

For a life of starship routine.

* * *

Sarek admitted to loving his wife

Perhaps the most illogical part of his life

Father and son started to bond

Simultaneously it dawned

At their joint emotion in rife.

* * *

"I can do zat!" Chekov probably cried

As behind Titan they began to hide

Finally Spock showed up

To provide Vulcan backup

And Scotty's clothes had finally dried!

* * *

Bones decided it was time for a drink

Before this plan he began to rethink

The "good ol' days" of ease

Treating Jim for herpes

Were gone now, quick as a wink.

* * *

To Uhura, love was quite a game

Her "devotion" put others to shame

As she kissed Spock in front of Kirk

She felt her plan must have worked

Not knowing she was fanning the flame.

* * *

_Though you may care for me_, Spock thought

_The logic of your action is for naught_

_For although you and me_

_Have compatibility_

_You are not the t'hy'la I have sought._


	9. A Moment That Started 1,000 Fanfictions

Disclaimer: Quite obviously, I do not own Star Trek or any of its tasty bits.

A/N: Finally watched the movie again last night so let's see what I can come up with this lovely Tuesday morning.

A Moment That Started 1,000 Fanfictions

Beaming to the cargo bay was assured

By Scotty, who had maneuvered

So when the transporter beam faded

It seemed our heroes had made it

Till they realized 'twas they bridge they had toured.

* * *

Seeing the boys in finally action brings glee

To all K/S fans watching the movie

Yeah, I'll just bet Jim's Spock's "backup"

For more than Romulan smack-up

But alas fans, that was cut from the story.

* * *

Kirk and Spock split from here: sadface

As they find the red matter ship's place

He mentions Uhura's name, true

But calls Kirk "Jim" too

Both fighting the sudden impulse to embrace.

* * *

"Now to find Captain Pike," said our Jimmy

"For which, I am sure, Spock will gimme

A slightly less cold stare

And his quarters to share

Before out of his pants he will shimmy."

* * *

Kirk was taking one hell of a beating

Compliments of Nero, who was not quite done seething

He said, "I know your face

From your history in space

And from the Vulcan in our very brief meeting."

* * *

This is where I shall stop, for now

Before my imagination goes ker-plow!

It's so good to be back

Memory quite intact

Take this next poem as a peace offering somehow!

* * *

Two girls in a bar had a brawl

Over Spock, whose heart was quite small

They begged him to merely

Choose one of them clearly

But girls weren't his type at all.

* * *

I hope you enjoyed the 5 legit limericks, the one segue, and the poem I've been wanting to write down for months now! Expect updates much sooner than a month apart now that I own the movie. We are almost at the end! /sadface

If you do not review, a member of your community will leave a flaming bag of poop upon your doorstep.


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